The Crown SE 06: Father Wound of Diana and Dodi

If you are someone who feels like your Mom or Dad does not love you what would you feel? What would you do?

The answer to this question plays out in the new season of The Crows TV series played out in the relationship between Diana and Dodi Al Fayed.

Diana grew up with a father who was neglectful. Consequently, she developed prelediction for attention seeking behaviour. She grew up seeking attention in order to feel loved.  This puts her in conflict with the Royal  family where their value is to keep to the image of dignity from a distance.

Dodi Al Fayed on the other hand grew up with a rather controlling father. He grew up to be a people pleaser. If everyone around him would be happy, he would feel loved. When there was conflict as in between his father and his fiance, he tries to keep both happy up to a point. But when the conflict becomes too high stakes, he decides to obey his father and ends up hurting his fiance.

Growing up with a controlling father Dodi never develops a way for free independent thinking. Without freedom there can be no true love. He wants to escape his father's clutches by going with his fiance to LA. But when he meets Diana and realizes, he could get his father's approval if only he would date and marry Diana, he ditches his fiance.

One of the most powerful scenes in this Season is one the father and son have a heart to heart conversation. In order to not spoil the scene I do not want to say too much, but only this. In that scene Dodi tells his dad that the reason why he is so controlling is that he is seeking the affirmation of the West, suggesting that his own controlling nature comes from deep in securities.

The scene between Dodi and his dad is one of the most moving because it gets to the heart of the father wound.

The pain of the father wound isn't just in the relationship between Dodi and Diana. It also happens between Prince Charles and the Queen Mother. Initially, the Queen mother refuses to address or console the grieving nation, upon Diana's death. Prince Charles tells his sister - isn't this a great metaphor for how mom was distant to us. She replies, 'no don't start that now' - this is the defense mechanism.

Freud spoke a lot about defense mechanism that we bring up in order to not encounter the truth of a situation or person. The Father wound is potent, it arises in early childhood when a chid does not feel loved and affirmed by their father and/or mother. Freud understood this defense mechanism -  Freud was right in putting his finger on the potency of an individual's father wound, except he misdiagnosed it and sexualized it in ways that was not helpful.

When one has experienced the father wound growing up, as an adult one need to learn to re-parent oneself. This is where our spiritual work is helpful. Envisioning God as a loving father can be a helpful way to heal the father wound, but it can also be tricky. When one has a very imperfect earthly father how can one see a perfectly loving heavenly father?

This were seeing Jesus as the face of God's love may be helpful. If you might have difficulty envisioning God's love, just think about what aspect of life of Jesus makes you feel loved and mediate on it. That may be a helpful way to develop a sense of God's love as our heavenly father.

Ultimately truth is important for healing. In fact Dodi mentions this in his conversation with his dad saying "only way to find healing is through the truth." This is something that he learnt in his relationship with Diana. Initially in the relationship he kept posturing by saying what he wanted her to hear, he kept becoming an inauthentic presence. She senses this inauthentic behaviour and gently directs him to be honest about the relationship with his father. This honesty helped him to be free.

Watching the interactions between children and parents in The Crown helps us to see the power and potency of the father would and how it can powerfully shape us. We need to learn to reparent ourselves. A great place to start is to be honest about the relationship we had with our parents.